Movies and a Migraine

Migraines are...

2010-03-10T00:54:00.000-07:00

...prison, jails, a dark solitude imposed by an immovable hand. Migraines are disaster, movies missed, friends not seen, laughs not laughed, jokes missed, glasses of wine never poured, meals never begun, 7 layer chocolate cake only imagined, a cheese cake viciously taunting. Migraines are desperation, fruustration, restraint, fear, denial, hopelessness, isolation, predation, the passing of time, darkness, stratagems and spoils, music banished, no dogs for days, drunk walking with no drink. Migraines are a strangely melodic Germanic language called English and words words words in a formation formulation that tinkle like wind chimes. Migraines are impotence, are watching your friends live lives, are watching your friends live your life. Migraines are broken promises, wrecked plans, good-bye to tomorrow good-bye to everyone, hello to my four dark corners and the restraints. Hello to 5 fruits and 10 vegetables and chicken; goodbye to work and life and friends. Hello to bars that trap that strap me in that hold me in. Migraines are isolation, are not making plans for dinner at lunch, are being a burden, are failing, are social death, are isolation, are my life.

I'm only writing this because I know no one will read it

2010-02-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

Soooo...this is a fun little thing that I'm sure is tied up with the migraines somehow: in January I had three menstrual cycles. That's about every other week - and it seems to be continuing into February. It's great. PMS, unpleasantness, PMS, unpleasantness, PMS, etc. And since my PMS consists of migraines, sugar cravings, insatiable appetite, and breaking out, I'm feeling just super-wonderful with the weight gain and pimples everywhere. Oh, and the extra migraines, too. Those are super!!

Don't worry, I'm going to see my doctor soon. I just keep thinking of a friend in high school who once said to me with sympathetic eyes and a hand on my arm, "Only women bleed".

Say 'hello' to my little friend.

2010-01-28T14:36:00.001-07:00

28 Jan. 2010

Several years ago my mom went to Urgent Care with a vicious migraine. They put her on oxygen for 15-20 minutes and the migraine, rather remarkably, went away. Then last month an article was published reporting that using oxygen helps resolve cluster and migraine headaches.

So Mom got a prescription for oxygen from Dr. Wendt, my neurologist, and it was approved! Got delivered yesterday. Would like to say more, but at the moment I feel like there's a long, thin needle piercing the bridge of my nose and exiting the back of my head and met 5/6ths of the way back by another long, impossibly thin needle piercing the back of my head. Rather painful. Can't really think. Too tired to fight the pain and write everything out. Will finish this later. Ow ow ow ow ow. dammit.

10 Feb

So I'm finally finishing this post. There have been some big, winter storms that have played havoc with my head.

I haven't used the oxygen yet. The first time I tried it the new-plastic smell of the nose piece was so intense my head leaped immediately from a 5 to an 8 and I got a little dizzy. The tubing has been airing out in the office ever since and I'm wary of trying it again.

It is absurd that I now have an oxygen tank. I feel like an 80 year old with this thing in my room. Oy.

Cold Turkey, Day 9

2010-01-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

glurg.

only 9 days without pain medication and it's all getting worse. the past several days there's been some big storms and my head's like a human barometer. i can feel it expanding and collapsing with the changes in air pressure. it's like a very mean leprechaun jumping up and down on my head very hard and then very light, very hard then very light. go away stupid leprechaun. go away. and take the stupid vice grip you've locked my head into, with you. mumblemumblemumble

nauseated all day. food is no good. blergh - just writing 'food' is bad idea. even chocolate sounds awful to me; i would turn away cheesecake if offered. i actually want to throw up just to stop the nausea. no luck so far.

thank you, God, for the internet. and for BBC television being online. the blessed, blessed beeb.

I actually want a migraine

2010-01-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

I am about to write one of the stupidest things I have ever uttered: I love Sarah Palin.

Ha-ha! I jest. But, no. Seriously. Those bangs. To die for.

Here's what I really mean: I'm trying to give myself a migraine. Let me explain. There's only one thing worse than a migraine: Being on the brink of one. All day. The pain's there, too much for Aleve but not enough for percocet. My mind is scrambled, but still clear enough that my to-do list accuses me of all the things I'm not doing.

I need to read up on how to get the scholarship 501(c)(3) status, but yesterday it took me 4 hours to read two pages - and I don't mean front-to-back pages. I didn't even complete the second page. My room needs to be cleaned, but I don't know where to put my mail. The bank needs to be called, but I can't figure out how to put what needs to be said. My mind's working well enough to come up with problems, but not well enough to come to any solutions.

And the pain doesn't know what the hell it wants. The pain is worse than a normal headache but not enough for a migraine, so I can't treat it. I know how to treat migraines; but wishy-washy things in the middle are just aggravating.

In order to do anything about this I have to help tip it over into migraine territory. Once I've got a migraine I can treat it and feel better. I'm sick of limbo. Limbo can suck gasoline and lit matches. So I'm eating chocolate pudding and anything I can get my hands on; and just my luck it's taking much longer than it should. Why is it I always get a headache when I least want one and I can't get one when I actually need the evil little wanker? Sigh.

Pain, or, Excuse me, your jackhammer is caught in my eye

2010-01-10T00:22:00.001-07:00

Pain.

Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.

If I were onstage I would explain to the audience that I'm just rolling this word around in my mouth like a somelier with a choice wine, feeling the heft of the consonants and the snootiness of the vowels' bouquet. "Pain!" I would say, with a high flutter in the middle; followed by, "paaain", in a low rumble. There would be would be laughs (okay, so there wouldn't be)but eventually I would stop procrastinating and get around to this:

Migraines are painful. Reeeeaallly painful. Mindblowing-ingly painful. To be a migraineur is to know pain better than anyone would like to. Most people (hopefully) having a passing acquaintance with pain. It's like that annoying acquaintance who corners you in the produce aisle to talk about himself,
"Tom! Hey, Tom - over here!"
"Oh. Hi, Pain."
"Man, it's been a long time since I've seen you, hasn't it?"
Squirming under Pain's gaze, Tom says, "Um, yeah - not since I cut my finger chopping onions a couple weeks ago."
Pain responds a wee bit too eagerly, "Oh, man, we got to get together and do something. There's some stuff we've been working on at work and it's amazing - completely out of sight. Seriously, you're missing out."
Still squirming and trying to pry his cart from his dread acquaintance death grip Tom hastily replied, "Um, um, sure, sure. I think I'm doing some gardening later this week."
Pain's thrilled. "That's great! There's a fantastic new line of sunburns that's just come out and our foliage department has been working on these new cactus needles that actually - get this, I don't know how people come up with it; it's genius - but anyway, the needles break everytime you touch them, so when you try to take them out they just get deeper and deeper. Brilliant."
Having now wrenched the cart from Pain's grasp, Tom backed away as fast as possible, only vaguely aware that his head was nodding, his mouth was smiling, and his mouth was saying, "Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Great. See you then."

When it comes to migraineurs, however, Pain does not stand upon ceremony. Nope, that little bastard walks straight through the door, flops on the couch and calls out for a cold one while he's watching the telly. Pain, known also as Agony, Little Bastard (LB), and the Monster in My Head (MMH), feels no need to set up dates to showcase the latest developments in pain technology, because he brings his work home.
"Susan, try this new one; they boys in the lab call it, 'Spear dipped in acid with glass shavings'. Says here, 'Directions: 1. Pick up. 2. Chuck at victim's head. 3. Rotate slowly (optional)'. Wanna give it a go?"
To which I usually say, "Um, not really - even though you're speaking in a quasi-Cockney accent. Could we just get a pizz-oh holy shit! Warn a girl before you throw a glass encrusted spear through her eye, will ya? Geez. Talk about common decency..."

(Ed note - original ending was here)

(Ed note: First time I've ever made an actual editor's note! For real! Hey!)

(Anyway.)

To return...

...Warn a girl before you throw a glass encrusted spear through her eye, will ya? Geez. Talk about common decency..."

Pain and I have been together longer than any of my romantic relationships. Combined. So I know it pretty well. Boxers or briefs. Conan or Letterman. Enchiladas or burritos. You know, all those little things that make a relationship work. LB remembers that spot on the back of my head that drives me crazy and I remember the Tylenol. Quite simpatico. A relationship that will no doubt continue to flourish in the months ahead.

Original ending - 9 Jan '10

Pain and I know each other very well. And when I say "well", I mean, well, you know..."well". I've been in pain longer than all my romantic relationships combined. Pain, you could say, is my significant other. I don't know what to do when it's not around - it's true. Life without that Little Bastard is strange; it's like being let out of prison. I've known prison for so long, I don't know how to act on the outside. Sure am willing to learn, though. It'd be nice, I think.

Hotel Babylon - season 1

2009-03-02T01:08:00.004-07:00

Migraine 6/10

Movie 3/5

Plots
Hotel Babylon follows the staff and life at the 5-star, luxury London hotel Babylon. Episodes revolve around people's idiosyncratic behavior in hotels, from guests stealing things (one guest stole the faucets and showerhead from his bathroom) to company of the paid kind (hint hint nudge nudge). Apparently luxury hotels are more than happy to arrange for full-service (wink-wink) massages and will then, in the morning, happily kick the little tarts out before you get back from breakfast. Who knew?

Thoughts
I liked it. The ensemble cast, led by Max Beesley as the Deputy Manager, Charlie, has the right chemistry and camaraderie for a group of colleagues who've known each other for years. Especially entertaining is Emma Pierson as Anna Thornton-Wilton as the scheming nuerotic who will do just about anything to get ahead; she has a tendency to be over the top, but that's just the way I like my gold-diggers. The show is surprising, inventive, and offers a look into the inner workings of a hotel.

All of which confirmed my decision to never work for a hotel. Ever. The U of A turns into a big conference center of the summer and, accordingly, all the dorms turn into hotels. One summer I worked for CGS (can't remember what it stands for; Cat's Got Syphillus?), the program that oversees the dorm-hotels. Never again. People are mean and unreasonable - oh, and gross. Really, really gross. "Hotel Employee" has never been on my list of goal professions, but after that summer, it was stricken forever from my list.

My Mind is Opened
Even before CGS (Cartwheel Gently, Stephanie?) I was a snob about hotels. Never understood why someone would work there. Tami, the daughter of my parents' friend, got her degree in hotel and restaurant management; my thought on hearing the news: "How sad that's she's given up; she could've done more." I honestly thought of it as a kind of punishment and wondered why she didn't like herself. But one of the episodes focused on the concierge; the manager tried to change his title from concierge to "guest relations" and that threw things into a tizzy. (You'd have to see it; I swear it was good.) So Tony (the concierge, played by Dexter Fletcher who looks like Fred Armisen's long lost brother) where was I? Oh, yes, Tony gives this monologue about how he's a concierge, what that means, how he's good at it and he likes being a concierge. And it struck me like a bolt from the blue, "Oh! They like working at a hotel!" That never occurred to me before; I just always figured they did it 'cause no one else hired them or 'cause management had kidnapped their parents.

So watch Hotel Babylon - it's good and educational.

No Reservations

2008-12-02T17:14:00.004-07:00

No Reservations
Plots
Right, so, uh plots. Let's just get this out of the way, first. Half of this blog is about migraines, and I've had a horrible one for the past week. I've been working on a paper for a month and I can say, without qualification, that the paper was a bitch. A knockdown, steal Jr.'s college fund, burn down your double-wide bitch. Whoooo, buddy. It was not a looker. And the migraine afterwards was like the paper's one-eyed, 'gator wranglin', cousin marryin' professional wrestling wanna-be who hasn't showered in over a year.

I'm just sayin' - the last week or two haven't been my best.

So, on to the movie! No Reservations with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart. My brain's been in the blender, I'm cranky, and I can't eat chocolate, so you're getting v. basic plot: Girl is uptight but successful; girl has life changing experience and meets care-free man who lightens girl and makes her realize the true joy in life is found in family, caring for a man, and motherhood.

(But I get militantly feminist when I'm cranky and migrainey.)

Thoughts.
All I could think watching it was, "Damn, Aaron Eckhart is hot!" followed closely by, "But why's he so creepy?"

It seems like he took the job just to flirt with and woo the Uptight-Successful-Girl, which is just weird. And will someone please tell me what kind of person drives a truck - I mean a TRUCK - in Manhattan? That's weird. The guy is H.O.T. but totally unstable. I'd buy pepper spray and take martial arts.

Whale Wars: A comedy of whalers

2008-11-24T17:54:00.002-07:00

Plot

Whale Wars
Animal Planet
Friday at 9pm

The show follows the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society in their annual effort to interfere with Japanese whaling efforts.

Thoughts

I was excited to see the show. An environmental action team! I envisioned a tofu-powered SWAT team, a group of real SEALs (I had to). Handsome men who care about kittens and kick-ass women who can nurture injured newts back to life - givin' it to the military-industrial complex. Yeah!

Oh my dear god, I was wrong.

Whale Wars is a comedy of errors. With harpoons. An example of this comes in the first episode. There's a mother ship, the Steve Irwin, from which launches two smaller boats to harass the whaling ships. Upon sighting the first whaler they launch the delta - and totally screw it up. 'Cause it was the first time they did it. 43 days into the voyage. So there are 5 people in freezing, arctic water, very close to hypothermia and death. All hell breaks loose in the cabin.

The captain, also head of the Sea Shepherds, Paul Watson, stands stock still, opening and closing his mouth, then shouts, "We should turn around - we should turn around. (silence) No, no, no don't turn around. We can't turn around - we wouldn't get there in time. We have to go backwards! Yeah, backwards! Go backward! Go backward! Go backward!" Meanwhile the first mate, Peter Brown, is yelling something else entirely and everyone runs back and forth shouting. It's like the 3 Stooges in dreadlocks. And while the captain and first mate yell contradictory orders and jump around the cabin, down on deck the NCO's, so to speak, have calmly commenced the rescue operation by throwing the capsized vessel some rope.

Other highlights:

Sending two men to the whaling ship with a letter in the hopes they're taken hostage. Then realizing maybe they should actually write a letter. Then realizing it should be translated into Japanese.
Dictating terms on which they would get the hostages back. (In other words, "You can only give our people back if. . .")
Losing one of their boats. With people in it.
P. Hammarstedt I swear this man is Dwight from The Office (and looks like Gareth from UK's The Office). I keep expecting him to start talking about his wizard's power level and how he can kill a man with a single roundhouse kick.

I'm completely behind the Sea Shepherds and what they're doing, I just hope they don't kill themselves in some sort of tragic yet slightly humorous accident.

Ed 25 Nov 2008: changed from comparing Whale Wars to The Office

2008-11-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

Migraine: 8/10
Movie: 2.5/5

Plot
The plot, as near as I can tell is this: Cris Johnson (Nicholas Cage) can see two minutes into the future, but with the caveat that he can only see into his future. But there's a nuclear bomb in L.A. and FBI agent Callie Ferris (Julianne Moore) thinks that Cris can find that sucker, despite the limitation of only seeing two minutes and only into his own life. So Cris and his love interest Liz Cooper (Jessica Biel) are on the run from the authorities.

Thoughts
I barely (bearly?) summoned the patience to finish watching this movie. I couldn't find any motivation to do so. - much like Cage's character never had any real motivation to run from the Feds, Moore's character had any real motivation to chase after him, or the the terrorists had motivation to blow up L.A. If someone in real life told me L.A. were going to be blown up I'd say, "Oh, no! At least let me get Wendy and Kirk (and family) out!" But in this movie, my response is, "Will it make this all go away?"

Basically, there's no dramatic tension. We're not given any reason why helping the Feds is so horrible that Cris Johnson risks his life by running away; nor are why told why a random FBI chick who just heard of him is convinced that he'll stop the bomb; and said bomb is given such scanty screen time that we're never concerned about its existence, blown up or no.

To sum up: I had a migraine when I watched it and during a migraine screen savers amuse me. This didn't.

The Riddle

2008-11-18T23:16:00.000-07:00

Migraine: 7/10
Movie: 2.5/5

Plot
Journalist Mike Sullivan (Vinnie Jones) is investigating a string of seemingly unrelated murders when his friend and local publican is murdered. Mike stumbles on Charles Dicken's last, lost, unknown manuscript, which may or may not be related to the recent murders. He's aided in his journalistic pursuits by his girlfriend, Kate (Judy Miller), and a lovable ol' scamp, played by Derek Jacobi, who lives in a cave by the Thames. The movie is played out in intertwining narratives, jumping between the modern-day murder investigations and Derek Jacobi, pulling double duty as Charles Dickens, acting out the story in the recovered manuscript.

Thoughts
Where to start? I found the movie somewhat enjoyable, but I'm also on painkillers. The plot suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder. You want to sit it down, Guidance Counselor style, and ask, "Are you about Charles Dickens? Or are you about a murder mystery? Where do you want to be in 5 years?" The murder-mystery is pretty good as is; it's convoluted and makes no sense, but hey, the Bush administration has lowered my standards for just about everything, so I'll take a labrythine, un-realistic murder.

So we got this "eh" level murder plot. And then we get Dickens. Now, I'm a woman who likes her Charlie D. - and I got a degree to prove it - but, why? Why the Dickens with the British mobster? Why. . .? I realize that without the Dickens there's nothing to make this movie different from the 1, 236, 879 other crime mysteries made every year, but it'd sure make a lot more sense. Although, quite frankly, I would watch the movie just to see Derek Jacobi; he's that damn good. He carries the movie with his extensive monologue as Chuck Dick. and brings depth and humanity to the homeless guy.

To conclude: I've seen worse. I've seen better. A good movie to play if you want something on while you're doing chores but you don't want to pay too much attention to it; a background movie.

No End In Sight; War, Inc

2008-11-18T20:30:00.000-07:00

Early to bed and early to rise
make a man healthy, wealthy, and wise

Watching War, Inc. and No End In Site
make a man want to impeach Bush

What this is

2008-11-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

Migraines and Me
I was 8 years old and on a family tour of the Four Corners when I had my first migraine. On that memorable trip through the oven baked deserts of the American Southwest, my family and I bonded through the majestic experience of me projectile vomiting most of the way through Utah. Ah, yes. A young girl's first migraine is truly site to behold. And besmelled.

Now in my mid- to late-twenties migraines and I have become fast friends. For the past three years I've had constant, continuous migraines, which is as fun as it sounds. It's like the flu 24/7, but without the possibility of death's sweet release. Thanks to the migraines my two-year long master's program will take me 5 years to complete (failed one semester, took medical leave for year-and-a-half).

Migraines and Movies
Although it hasn't been good for my studies, the migraines have been great for cinematic education. I watch a loooot of movies while I'm sitting still in my dark, quiet room. The migraines, actually, have an added bonus: Migraines make me so forgetful that I can watch the same movie several times and still not remember how it ends! This happens even during hour-long cop shows. On bad migraine days, twenty minutes into a whodunit I can't remember who got killed, who the suspect is, or why he's suspected. So don't be alarmed to see a movie reviewed multiple times and receiving multiple grades.

Migraines mess with your head. They make you stupid. Very, very, very stupid. So the movie review will be accompanied by a migraine review: Where the migraine is on a 1-10 scale, 10 being the worst.

I don't really expect anyone to read this so I'm not going to say anything else, except that I'm doing this for my own amusement and . . . uh, yeah. So, "ha!"